Speech: Why Should We Chanllege Our Parents
Hello Everyone!
Today, I want to talk about something a little bit rebellious: question your parents, the one that built you. We’re often told to listen to them, learn from their experience so we can find a shortest path to success. However, what if I told you that sometimes, the greatest growth comes from challenging them?
Let me share a personal story. As a single danghter but the first person that studied aboard in the whole families, there were times when the vision for my future between them and myself are totally clashed. They envisioned everything for me, from getting a stable job in China– so I can marry a good-quality guy, to a best marriage - like find a guy that I could rely on so no need having any hard-working in the rest of my life. It was a path they believed would guarantee a lady’s happiness.
Imagine one day, I went to a gathering with my mom. She was excitedly whispering
Mom: See that woman over there? The one slightly fat?
You: mom, that’s quite fat.
Mom: Her life is quite good. She married a manager in pharmaceuticals and she never has to work a day in her life. Spend her free time on hobbies, drive a fancy car.
You: o
Mom: She has a Prosperous husband face (wang fu xiang). So I told you, not lose weight. Too thin cannot help your hushand make money.
This woman, according to my family, was the pinnacle of a lady’s success– a lady taken care of by a loving husband at the same time, she lives for him. this is a rule that never appeared in my mind. Sorry, I am not offending anyone. I respect ppl who choose this way. Sometimes I would feel this is a rule that the whole family silent agree to follow blindly. We don’t even get to make this rule. our parents do.
But I would like to argue that, their world might have it wrong. In fact, I think you should challenge them. I even think that maybe challenging them could be the best thing that ever happened to you.
My parents are good, hard-working workers. When they got married, they squeezed in a room less than 10 square meters and started from zero.
When I was 24, I found myself seated at a table with my mom and her friends. When they talked about guys with potential marriage chance for me.
“What if my self-worth?” I asked
“Your husband is just your worth! What u do is just to assist him and educate your children” one of them replied
“That’s a quite hard job” I said
Everyone laughed because, this is a life that they dreamed of. They all experienced a hard time for surviving, living and becoming financially comfortable. And none of them would ever think about the other options for their danghter’s best future - not hard-working any more but rely on a man.
After one of family members mentioned a guy to me in China with parents’ acquiescence, When landing in singapore, I looked at reasons that I listed on paper and call the parents, trying to be calming and mind-clear to say why this option is not the best way. my mom’s laughing. she gave all examples that she can possibly find to tell me, I am naive, as if I am a quite stupid person that think you can have find another way? We talked over 2hrs and most of my replies are just said “o”.
There were times when they told me, we regret to send you to singapore, which makes me feel quite shameful. But from the moment I decided to refuse it, their regret became less important. No one can control their regrets, except themselves. At the same time, no one can control your self-sense of worth, except yourself.
Let’s be honest, there were times I questioned my choices. The path my family envision – stability, security – is quite tempting. It can be judged as “a good life”, and they only want to give the best to me. But if we only cared about their expectations, Except being judged as having a good life, what else would we have?
For ppl who meet the similar case, I challenge you to ignore those judgements, especially when those judgements might hold you back from your dreams. I challenge you to break their expectations, especiall when those expectations possibly kills you, and ask if those are expectations that you would choose for yourself. I challenge you to be a little more honest and a little less obedient! I hope against all the challenges, you can find your own path and become the one that you are proud of.
One day, I sent the money to my families. Later, My father shared one sentence in the moment in wechat, like the story in the ins, “sometimes I feel I am quite old now. Maybe it’s time that we should leave the space to the young ppl now”.
I hope, Again all the odds, we will win.
